Despre sufletul pereche – provocarea

By | 2018-06-10T07:13:31+00:00 iunie 10th, 2018|

Te-ai gândit vreodată dacă omul ar fi putut iubi o singură dată în viață? Eu, da. A fost cel puțin înfricoșător pentru mine. Aș fi fost cu mult mai sărac în gânduri, poezii, experiențe, bucurii, tristeți, lacrimi și speranțe. Aș fi încetat să mai iubesc de prin clasa a III-a. Atunci o iubeam pe Oana. Dar nu m-am oprit și apoi am iubit două Cătăline, o altă Oana, pe Alina și… Și mă opresc aici cu enumeratul dar continui cu scrisul.

Sincer, la vremea aceea, toate păreau a fi sufletul meu pereche.

Și dacă mă opream acolo?… Și dacă aș fi refuzat să mai iubesc pentru că doar una este sufletul pereche?… Bine că naivitatea m-a determinat să caut mai departe. Și-am căutat, am tot căutat și am tot așteptat (așa cum bine spunea Ancuța Coman -https://ancutacoman.ro/sufletul-pereche-nu-se-naste-se-face/) să se întâmple minunea.
Suferințe, lacrimi, drame, bucurii, iubire, jurăminte dar nimic. Nicio pereche născută sufletului meu.

Nu merge cu așteptatul ăsta, mi-am zis. Tot timpul ajungi în 404 – NOT FOUND. Schimbăm strategia. De la a aștepta la a face. Și m-am apucat de făcut. Haotic dar cu o direcție precisă – ”…când ajungi la concluzia că poți să trăiești bine fără ea, poți să te apuci să o iubești.”
Nu-i ușor! Dar decât să aștept doar…

Beția cu dopamină
Mulți oameni se îmbată cu îndrăgosteală (și bine fac) iar pe baza ei afirmă că și-au găsit sufletul pereche (aici am niște rețineri că tot bine fac). După un timp (și aici trecerea timpului și rata divorțurilor îmi sunt martori) afirmă către celălalt: Te-ai schimbat!… Nu mai ești omul de care m-am îndrăgostit.
De aici începe suferința. O zbatere care, de cele mai multe ori, își are cauzaliatatea în ceea ce face, zice, simte celălalt în fiecare zi. Și atunci, parcă sufletul pereche nu prea mai e pereche. Unii renunță rapid, alții rămân în suferință de parcă nu le vine să creadă că s-au înșelat și aleg să-și care crucea în numele iubirii disfuncționale. Alții merg la psiholog și decid apoi dacă mai are sens să clădească sau se despart prieteni. Unii se descurcă singuri și reușesc să-și reinventeze relația – destul de puțini.

Acum ai putea spune:
Vezi, Alex! Cei din urmă sunt suflete pereche.
Ba, cei din urmă înțeleg că sufletul pereche se construiește, ți-aș răspunde eu. Ei înțeleg ce înseamnă asumarea, că este nevoie de efort conștient și continuu și că relația cu sufletul pereche este o alegere.

Asumarea
Draga mea, vrei să fii soția mea?…
Băieți, mă însor!…
Mamă, tată, dragă neam, mă căsătoresc!…
Domnule primar, de bună voie și nesilit de nimeni, o iau de nevastă!…
Divinitate, în numele Tatălui și-al Fiului și-al Sfântului Duh, o iau de soție!…
Și gata!… Mi-am asumat în fața tuturor.

Uite ce îți propun eu – caută o oglindă sau măcar un ciob de sticlă spartă, respiră adânc și întreabă-te!…
Măi, băiete, față de tine îți asumi?… Ești gata să te apuci de construit relația asta?… Ești dispus la efort conștient și continuu pe termen nedeterminat (sau măcar pe termen lung și foarte lung)?…

Efortul conștient și continuu
Aici voi fi mai scurt. Voi împărtăși cu tine modul în care mi-am tradus eu efortul conștient și continuu când vine voba de sufletul pereche: Ce pot face și azi pentru ea ca să o văd zâmbind?

Despre limbajul sufletului pereche sau despre limbajul iubirii îți las aici un titlu de carte: Cele cinci limbaje ale iubirii, Gary Chapman. De ce această recomandare?… Te ajută să ieși din 404, să te cunoști și să-i ”vorbești”.
Mie îmi place să spun așa: ”învață-mi limba, apoi vorbește-mi.”

Ieși din a aștepta, cunoaște-te, lasă-te cunoscut, cunoaște-o, apoi alege să clădești. Nu am uitat de a alege.

Sufletul pereche nu se naște, este o alegere asumată față de tine, în primul rând, care se construiește în fiecare zi cu efort conștient și continuu.

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