La braț cu M, sau nu

By | 2018-04-11T17:42:53+00:00 aprilie 11th, 2018|

Știi starea aceea când ai multe motive să te simți bine dar parcă lipsește ceva?… Așa mă simțeam miercuri seară. De fapt, aveam starea asta de vreo săptămână. În drum spre casă, mi-am conștientizat starea și am început să caut răspunsuri în gând. Ce nu-ți convine, prietene?…

După 355 de întrebări și cam tot atâtea răspunsuri am ajuns la întrebarea: ce faci de revelion?…

Răspunsul a venit atât de repede și de sigur că m-a surprins și pe mine: Cu prietenii,  ca de obicei.

Era simplu dacă îmi suna telefonul și mă distrăgea. Dar nu a sunat. Și mi-am auzit și următoarea întrebare:

Și cu cine mai faci revelionul?

Și cu nimeni altcineva!… am răspuns vizibil iritat. Iritat am vrut să par dar acum când scriu mi-e clar că eram trist.

Am ajuns și trebuia să parchez. Cum nu pot face două lucruri în același timp (să gândesc și să parchez) am crezut că am scăpat, de introspecția începută.

Am coborât din mașină bucuros și… Și i-am văzut silueta.  Nu avea cum să fie ea. Dar clar ea era. Mersul,  părul, atitudinea. Cu siguranță era ea!

Inima a început să se facă simțită iar gândurile zburau prin mintea mea:  ”e ea; nu e ea; nu are cum; ba e ea; revelion; singur; împreună; e un semn; uauuu; ea e; ea e sigur; ce tare!… E ca-n filme; mi se întâmplă; nu e ea; strig-o!… Vor rămâne toți prietenii mască; se îndepărtează; fugi după ea, dar ce caută aici?…Nu e ea; strig-o!…”

Am ajuns-o din urmă. Sunt la un pas în spatele ei. Este clar ea!…Am întins mâna spre brațul ei. Am atins-o înainte ca sunetul strigătului meu să ajungă la ea.

Alina!…

A tresărit și s-a întors aproape speriată spre mine. M-a privit fix în ochi.

Alina, ce faci aici?…

Bună seara. Cred că mă confundați.

Am încremenit. Nu era ea. Dar ea trebuia să fie.

A zâmbit parcă stânjenită de dezamăgirea din ochii mei apoi și-a continuat drumul.

Eram blocat complet. Se oprise timpul.

Stai!… s-a auzit o voce din interiorul meu. Spun o voce pentru că eu nu-mi amintesc  să fi vorbit dar clar era vocea mea. Am simțit chiar și aerul cald care mi-a ieșit pe gură.

Am făcut doi pași sau o sută și eram din nou față în față cu ea:

Iartă-mă! Cred că te-am confundat.

Da! Asta am zis și eu, îmi spune cu zâmbetul pe buze.

Semănați. Vreau să… Uite. Eu… Stai puțin.

Păi… mă cam grăbesc. Pot să te ajut cu ceva?

Vreau să te cunosc. Nu pot să las să treacă așa. Lasă-mă să te conduc, te rog. Îți explic.

Ce să-mi explici, ce să treacă?…

Zece minute mai târziu știa toată povestea și se amuza copios de gândurile și trăirile mele aproape disociate de mine.

Iartă-mă, nici nu m-am prezentat. Eu sunt Alex.

Melancolia. Încântată de cunoștință, Alex.

Iar gândul meu a zis: Mda… Exact ca-n filme! M-am întâlnit cu Melancolia. Love story cu sirop de zmeură. Serios!?…

………….

Știi starea aceea când ai multe motive să te simți bine dar parcă lipsește ceva?… Ea e!… Melancolia.

Mai ales acum, de sărbători se plimbă pe străzi ore în șir. Probabil și Melancolia este melancolică în perioada asta.

Ești singur(ă) de sărbători?… Așa, și ce?… Ai planuri cu prietenii dar ei sunt cupluri?… Așa, și ce?… Cauți să nu mai răspunzi la telefon și să te izolezi ușor, ușor? Preferi pijamalele și deja te gândești cum ar fi să faci revelionul singur(ă). Citești rândurile acestea și te simți ușor cu musca pe căciulă?…

De oriunde ești, ieși imediat afară la aer. Ia și telefonul cu tine. Nu ca să dai like la vreo pisică pe Facebook sau să share-uiești  articolul ăsta. Ai timp mai târziu. Acum sună și anunță ca mergi la party, să-ți rezerve un bilet rapid. Te duci!…

Îți este lene să ieși?… Suferi?…Aaaa, e mai grav decât pare?… Nu înțeleg eu?… Vaai, ești în depresie?…

Potolește-te că nici tu nu te crezi!… E Melancolia… Ce zici?… Îți place?… Nu?… Foarte bine! Poți să te plimbi și tu cu ea la braț. Accept-o!  Eu le-am făcut pe amândouă. E chiar fată faină. Uite cum am procedat eu:

În seara cu pricina am tot mers cu ea. Am povestit eu, a povestit ea. Spunea că oamenii o confundă cu depresia, cu ghinionul, cu destinul, cu blestemele, cu tristețea acută, chiar și cu lenea, cu Alina…  În timp ce o ascultam parcă descopeream un nou eu. Un eu care își dă voie să fie melancolic și care chiar are curajul să se plimbe la braț cu Melancolia. Chiar cred că poate fi o amică foarte bună. Amică, da?… Nu cea mai bună prietenă, nu terapeuta, nu confidenta mea de zi cu zi. O bună amică! Te poți plimba din când în când cu ea. Poți chiar să bei o cafea, un ceai cu ea. Dar cam atât. Părerea mea…. Eu m-am despărțit de ea la metrou la Victoria. Am zis că o mai sun pentru o plimbare scurtă prin primăvară sau toamnă.

Tu ce alegi acum? La braț cu M, sau nu?

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